Little Miss is in bed and I’m sitting on the couch watching ‘Family Guy’. My kitten is staring at me like he’s about to pounce and scratch my face off. Fiancé is sitting next to me on his phone. It’s 11.01pm in Australia. Where is everyone else right now? I often wonder that… where are you while you’re writing your blog? Let me know in the comments below 😊 anyway, back to my post….
Today fiancé had a day off work, yippee! So we spent the day at his parents house watching the footy. Little Miss loves her grandparents so much, we lived with them for a year before moving into our house now, so we are all very close. Her cousins were over today and when they are around, she turns into a giggling, squealing, cheeky ball of craziness. She was running around, jumping on couches, tickling, playing with nerf guns and giggling her little head off. Apart from playgroup, she’s not really around other kids and when she is, she’s at her happiest. That’s why she needs a SIBLING. It is so damn frustrating that I have not conceived yet. My heart goes out to women who cannot conceive, it would be such a horrible feeling. It would be devastating. I fell pregnant with Little Miss, the first day I was off my contraception, I felt like the same thing would happen this time around. Alas not, I was just lucky with her I guess. It’s so hard not to feel like something must be wrong with me. I know, I get it, these things take time but there’s so much self doubt, it’s hard to push it to the back of my mind. One of my closest friends has 2 children, 2 under the age of 2! I tell her about my frustration and she says ” why do you want a other one?!?” Haha, clearly it’s very hard work.
Since before I can even remember, I’ve always wanted to be a Mum. I never had a career in mind, I never had travel in mind. I longed to be a Mother from a very young age. That is strange to some people, but I think we all have our own ways of contributing to the world. I’m just not a career driven person and I never have been. I always envisioned having a BIG family. Maybe because my own mother is 1 of 8. Yes, my grandmother had 8 children! My family is huge, I have 3rd cousins. It’s wonderful and crazy. Anyway, as I was saying.. I always envisioned that I would have 4 or 5 children, I imagined loading them into the car and going on camping trips, I imagined the chaos of going shopping… I imagined huge Christmases! I imagined the morning rush to school, the fights, the laughter and the amount of food I’d have to make to feed so many mouths! The thought still makes me smile.. what are your dreams? Are they as crazy as mine? Are they crazier? Have faith in them! They will come true (I need to remind myself that)
On that note, it’s time for me to sign off.. My post was a little off tonight, listening to Peter Griffin has made it very hard for me to write. Tomorrow I will find a less distracting place to construct my post. Good night and God Bless ☺