Bedtime? What’s bedtime?

Yup, we’re still awake! It’s my fault actually, I fell asleep with little Miss today and we only woke up at 6pm, I’m estimating that we won’t be in bed until at least midnight, which sucks because I have a playgroup meeting tomorrow at 9.30am! What is it with Mums and wanting to do things so early in the morning?  I feel like I am the only Mum who sleeps in with her kid. We are both definitely NOT morning people. I thought that will Little Miss being born in 2014 we would luckily skip the hype of the movie ‘Frozen’ but apparently not, since she turned two she has jumped on the bandwagon and I’m sure I’ve watched the movie at least 30 times, watching it right now actually,  make that 31. Looking over at Little Miss and she still looks wide awake, it’s 10:45pm in Australia. This is gonna be a long night 😑 pregnancy is going well! So far, no symptoms except slight exhaustion and sensitive boobies. But I’m putting the tiredness down to being the Mum of a 2 year old. I told my Mum over skype (she works in thailand) and she was over the moon! Also told fiancés parents and they were equally as happy!  I’m keeping everyone else in the dark until I am at least 12 weeks and my chance of miscarriage is alot less. Fiancé keeps telling me off for over exerting myself ie: going balistic with keeping the house clean. I can’t help it, i hate a messy house. My mum has also told me to limit how much I pick up Little Miss,  this is actually not possible, she is the clingiest little person. Anyone have any suggestions or advice? Well, I’d better go and pay my child some attention. Have a blessed night (or day) everyone!

Advertisements

Confirmation!

All I can say is….FINALLY!! I’m having trouble believing it but it has been  confirmed, I am indeed pregnant! It all feels so surreal, I feel like I have been waiting forever. I feel happy, anxious,  I’m in disbelief. In 9 months time (assuming everything goes well) I will be holding a newborn baby. My newborn baby. I can’t even string my thoughts together. I’m excited but also scared. I’m scared to give birth, I’m scared of coping with 2 children… but it’s what I have wanted for so long and mostly, I feel joy ☺ I’m afraid that lately fiancé has been in a very terrible mood, which has brought my own mood down a lot.  When things don’t go the way he wants, he takes his frustrations out on me (nothing physical) but it’s extremely unpleasant and it makes me feel so helpless. After we sold his car, he bought another one. He is not happy with it and he feels like he was sold a lemon. I understand that this can make a person upset.  Selling a car worth about $26000 and ending up with a car that is not up to your expectations can cause frustrations but he’s been in such a foul mood ever since. He can barely show any joy over us finally conceiving and it breaks my heart. He picks on everything that I do, he acts like he really hates me. Like he’s not satisfied with anything I do, things in everyday life that wouldn’t normally bother him. He’s just constantly attacking me. He needs every aspect of his life to be in perfect order for him to function properly. When there’s no problems in our lives, he’s the happiest,  loveliest man. I don’t honestly know how to deal with him right now except to keep out of his way. I wish he was as excited as me about the baby and I’m sure he will be once he sorts everything out with this car but who knew that something as superficial as this could cause someone so much hostility?  Has anyone else experienced this? We have a great life and I just wish he would count all his blessings. He had a dream the other night that we were having a boy! I wonder how much truth dreams hold…

Am I….? (Part two)

Following up on yesterday’s post. I ended up holding in my first morning wee for about an hour until the chemist down the road opened, I quickly drove there, got more pregnancy tests and came home. Straight in the loo, peeing on another stick. As I sat on the toilet floor, staring at the test, I began to feel disheartened. No line was appearing… but on further inspection and a lot of squinting, I saw another very faint line. I thought I was imagining it! So I quickly woke fiancé up for his opinion and low and behold! He could see it too… again, very faint but definitely there. I should feel excited right?  I’ve been waiting for what seems like forever for this day! Alas, I am still not convinced. Maybe I’m too afraid to believe it, it seems too good to be true. I’m worried about getting disappointed. Not only that but I am so sick at the moment (not morning sickness) I have a terrible cold and an uncontrollable cough. I go into coughing fits which turn into wretching. My whole body tenses up. I’ve been getting barely any sleep because of it. I’m so worried, if I am pregnant, could this affect things? Could I cause a miscarriage? Why did I have to fall pregnant during the one time that I am so unwell. If I am pregnant (I’m doing yet another test tomorrow) I pray that things will work out. One thing that I haven’t told you is that I have experienced the heartbreak and pain of miscarriage before. I don’t think I can cope going through that again. I fell pregnant when I was only 18 years old, to a man who was not very good to me. He was doing drugs and we were reckless. He didn’t even support me through the miscarriage, we broke up soon after. I believe that God terminated my pregnancy for 2 reasons- my baby would be born to a man who wouldn’t care for him/her and something drastic needed to happen in order for me to see his true colors.  A part of me was relieved that I hadn’t had a baby to such a man but the other part of me was so broken. My miscarriage caused a lot of physical pain as well as emotional. I fell into a deep depression afterwards and in this dark time, I happened to meet my fiancé.  He was my light at the end of a very dark tunnel. Now we are blessed with a beautiful little girl and perhaps another on the way! Life is amazing. The way things turn out, exactly as they should.

Blogger Recognition Award

Wow, I am so stoked to be nominated for this award! I feel amazing right now! Thankyou so much, Accidentally Single for nominating me.

My journey as a blogger has not been long! I initially started my blog as a way to put my own life into perspective for myself.  As a busy mum, sometimes i get caught up in the small, trivial tasks of my days, that I don’t always see the bigger picture. Blogging helps me to do that.

My advice to other bloggers would be to be true to yourself, write from your heart and do not fear judgement. Read other blogs and appreciate every comment, like and follow! That means that someone has taken the time out of their day to read your story. What an honour.

I will be nominating bloggers on their blogs ☺☺ thankyou for reading and supporting X

imageThe rules:

  1. Write a new post about the award
  2. Thank the person who nominated you
  3. Talk about your journey as a blogger
  4. what is your advice to other bloggers?
  5. Nominate fellow bloggers who are deserving of the award

Am I….?

I’ve been really slack lately with my blog. Slack, lazy, busy, tired… but tonight I needed to write this down because a range of emotions are going through my head right now. Anyone who has read my blog will know that I am desperately trying to fall pregnant. Well today at our playgroup excursion,  one of the ladies who has been trying for a baby for a very long time, announced that she was finally pregnant! With a girl!  I was so happy for her, genuinely so happy. It also made me want to be pregnant even more. Well, tonight after dinner, on a whim, I did a pregnancy test. After I peed on the stick, no line came up. Feeling disheartened, I put it on the table and walked away… When I came back however, there was a very faint line staring back at me. Now I’m talking VERY faint. But definitely there. I didn’t know how to feel. Was the test wrong? Is it a false positive? Why is the line so faint? Am I actually pregnant? I took a photo of it and sent it to fiancé who is at work and he’s determined to find a 24hr chemist and buy me another one so that I can test again tomorrow morning. I’m so pumped. I’m filled with anxiety, I’m so afraid of being disappointed again! I’m afraid to get my hopes up. I’m going to be tossing and turning all night about it. I do have some pregnancy symptoms but they could be normal female hormones as well. I’ll let everyone know how it turns out! Please pray for me! X

 

image

Thirsty Thursday

Currently sitting in the car, being driven around by fiancé while we try to find a dealership to buy our car. Basically we want to reduce our debt so we are selling the car to pay off a loan. In the long run it will be beneficial,  but right now it’s tedious.  So tedious and so tiring.  Little Miss is asleep in the backseat, how I wish i was doing the same. Little Miss went to bed at 1am last night!  1am!! Why does she do this to me! Fiancé is talking to a man right now,  I’m drinking a blueberry frozen Fanta from McDonald’s.God i needed this, i was getting so parched! Is anyone else having a boring ass day? On another, good note!  We went to swimming lessons yesterday and Little Miss was being an absolute terror cause she didn’t want me to hold her, she wanted to swim by herself!  It worked in our favour though because she’s been put into another class where she will gain more independence and then the level above that, I won’t have to go in the water with her anymore! Life will be so much easier when she’s swimming without me. I’m a bit sick of freezing my butt off while I try to get her warm when we get out of the pool. Yesterday I felt a bit sick so I’m hoping I’m pregnant.  Everyday I’m hoping I’m pregnant.  I don’t know how to chill out about it.  I’m so stressed and that means I have a shit tonne of pimples all over my face and ulcers in my mouth. Damn anxiety plagues me. It doesn’t help that fiancé is in a neverending bad mood because he’s quitting smoking.  I’m proud as hell of him, but he’s driving me up the wall! Wow, my own complaining is driving me bonkers! I think I’d better go before ya’ll  start thinking I’m a whinger! Let me know how your day went ☺ better than mine i hope. If you have any remedies for pimples, let me know also!

Sunday Funday 🐠🐡🐙

Today we took Little Miss to see ‘Finding Dory’! I think I was as excited as she was! We went to a special advanced screening and they had a petting zoo and bouncy castle there! The petting zoo was full of little baby animals,  Little Miss was in her element! There was this tiny piglet, he was so cute, I wanted to put him in my bag and take him home! She had a go on the bouncy castle but it was full of crazy, older kids and she would have gotten squished. So she was out as quick as she got in. This was Little Miss’ first time going to the cinema so I was a little apprehensive! I felt some comfort knowing that half the cinema would be full of toddler’s and I made sure that fiancé was with us! I could not do this one alone. When we got in, I chose seats that were nowhere near the stairs and that had a barrier in front of us instead of seats, Little Miss loves annoying other people. This was a good parenting decision! Winning 😁 The movie began and she was surprisingly well behaved. I was so proud of her. About three quarters of the way through, she got a bit restless from staying in one spot for so long but I gave her a biscuit and she was content to watch the rest of the movie. I’m so glad that it was so enjoyable for all of us. I loved the movie, it was so funny and full of heartfelt moments. There was a lot of morals in it too such as, self acceptance, trust, following your instincts and never giving up. It was really a great movie and perfect for my Nemo obsessed child! I saw a girl that I went to high school with there with her daughter. She’s one of those people who I have tried to catch up with but she always bails on me. I’m more understanding of this since becoming a Mum!  Sometimes it is so hard to even have a shower, let alone leave the house.  Parenthood has changed me for the better in that aspect of life, I have more understanding for people.
Afterwards,  we took Little Miss to visit her Nana.  We got lunch from our local burmese gourmet shop (pork and fish curry with vegetable biriyani) yummmm! She loves visiting her Nana! Unfortunately Nana is at an age now where she has a lot of problems. She has very bad athritis and her stomach is too sensitive, she finds it hard to eat. She’s a skinny little lady. She told me and fiancé today that she wishes she would just die and that she doesn’t know why God makes people live that way, why not take people before they’re at an age where they suffer? I felt so bad for her. It broke my heart. I think she feels that now she is simply existing with a lot of pain. It makes me so sad.

So I will leave with this quote “The quality, not the longevity, of one’s life is what is important” ~Martin Luther King, JR.

Below: a photo of Little Miss and her new friend Piglet 🐷:)

image

Sunny Saturday :)

Today was a gorgeous day! It felt like Spring (it’s winter in Aus). The sun was shining and the birds were chirping, fairytale stuff 😂 my fiancé and I had a fight last night, I’m not 100% comfortable saying what it was about but hurtful things were said and I ended up sleeping in Little Miss’ bed with her, crying myself to sleep.  I just needed space.  It was the most uncomfortable sleep that I have ever had. She steals the blankets and literally tries to push me off the bed. It was a better option than the couch though and I snuggled with her as much as she would allow me to. Today I left fiancé at home and took Little Miss food shopping. I was still mad at him and I was worried that I would explode and say things that I didn’t mean, so I removed myself from the situation. It’s safe to say that going shopping without him is really hard. I was hoping Little Miss would fall asleep on the way to the grocery store (it’s much easier to shop when she is asleep in the pram). She did fall asleep!  I thought it was my lucky day but then she woke up as soon as I pulled her out of the car. The whole experience actually wasn’t as difficult as I had anticipated but that’s owing to the fact that Little Miss was preoccupied with eating the loaf of bread that I had just taken off the shelf. I managed to do a big shop, thanks to my pram holding more than I had expected! When I arrived home, things were still awkward between fiancé and I.  I got on with my jobs, putting the shopping away, cleaning the house etc… My fiancé doesn’t generally come out and say sorry straight away. He always does this thing where instead of saying he’s sorry, he’ll start helping me to put the shopping away, or he’ll look after Little Miss while I’m doing stuff and then he will act like nothing has happened. The funny thing is that Little Miss does the exact same thing! If she does something naughty, instead of saying sorry, she will offer me one of her toys or give me a drink of her water. It’s strange how these traits are passed along. Anyway, we decided to head down to his parents house to watch the football. I said to him in the car “so are we going to talk about what happened?” I’m one of those crazy people who has to talk things through and there has to be apologies and understanding.  I can’t just pretend like nothing has happened because then it will eat at me until I have a mental breakdown or I internally combust.  We talked things through calmly and he said sorry. Things are back to normal for now. I’m quite blessed that we are both mature enough to want to stay together instead of throwing in the towel when things get tough. He’s a good Dad, an excellent Dad to Little Miss.. I do feel as though when you become a parent, you have to put your wants and needs aside for your children. There’s no space in your life to be selfish anymore and that’s the truth. Little Miss loves her Dad and me so much. We are her world.  To break up would mean the end of her world. I grew up with a man who never wanted to be a father and who made that fact known. He never treated me or my sisters well. Little Miss is so blessed to have a Father who loves her unconditionally.  I would never want them to be apart. Life isn’t always fine and dandy. It never will be, God puts obstacles in our path to test the way we overcome them. We can’t run away from life or fears, challenges or sadness. We must face it head on. When we are faced with situations we don’t like, we have to look around and count all our blessings and express our gratitude. Everything we are faced with in life is a learning opportunity and when we view things that way, the weight of life’s pressures is less. My lesson for today is to practice forgiveness and gratitude. What are you grateful for today?

THE REAL GIFT OF GRATITUDE IS THAT THE MORE GRATEFUL YOU ARE, THE MORE PRESENT YOU BECOME! ~Robert Holden

Catch up Friday 😶

Wow, so I’ve been really bad with my blog this week! But there is a perfectly good excuse, Little Miss decided that she would be having her bedtime between 12:30 and 1am! It’s not completely her fault. When you have kids and you get into a routine, you have to stick to it no matter what! One toe out of the routine and you’re screwed. Little Miss doesn’t take naps during the day anymore which makes her bedtime between 8.30 and 9pm. This routine works for us. On Tuesday,  I had a terrible toothache, it was excruciating. I really need my wisdom teeth out but we just don’t have the funds for dental ($150 for an appointment and $200 per tooth extraction) sort of steep, not a millionaire yet but I’ll get there one day. So the only way I could forget about my pain and deal with the day was to go to sleep, so Little Miss and I had a rare nap. Bad decision.  It was lovely at the time, but it meant she was awake till 1am! It through her entire routine out for the whole week! Damn me and my napping needs! So I had no time for my blog.
This week has been quite good. My rent inspection went well, they sent us a letter to resign the lease for another 6 months! One weight definitely lifted off my shoulders. My kitten stayed with my sister and she didn’t want to give him back! I missed him too much though. I love him but I am slightly afraid of him to tell you the truth, he has these needle sharp teeth and his claws really go under your skin. I know he’s only playing but it does get painful! He doesn’t understand when I just want to pat him, I’m just his prey for now.
On Wednesday I visited my Grandmother. I took my sister with me for support. Don’t get me wrong,  I love my Grandma but she has her ways. She’s full blood Hungarian so she is very blunt. The first thing she said to me when we showed up was “oh you are so beautiful, you are the most beautiful out of the girls. Much prettier than your sisters” my sister was standing next to me….awkward 😕 but then she went on to tell me that she didn’t like my new haircut and my sisters hair was much better than mine haha. She’s definitely not subtle. She only likes men who earn lots of money, so my partner is not one of her favorites but alas, I couldn’t be a gold digger even if I tried. He also smokes, so she’s constantly chewing my ear off about how bad smoking is and has he quit yet and how can we afford his habit and then goes on to tell me about all her relatives who have died from smoking. Uh she really is a ray of sunshine. My dad showed up about half an hour into our visit (he lives next door to her). We are not in contact with my dad, let’s just say he’s one of those people who should never have had children… so he came over. Talked about his new wife (mail order bride from Thailand who is like 30 years younger than him), gloated about how much he’s earning in his new job, didn’t bother to ask how we were and then left. I don’t know what the purpose of his visit was ’cause he certainly wasn’t interested in our lives. I reached out to him about a week ago, after my friends father died I sort of got a bit sentimental and text my Dad, it didn’t amount to anything though.  At least I tried I guess. I  brought my sister back to my house that night and it turns out that her relationship with her  new boyfriend isn’t as fine and dandy as we all thought. His ex girlfriend is a stalker, psycho girl and apparently she almost convinced him to go back to her. She was slowly worming her way into their relationship and trying to break them up. One day I will write a few posts on my family members and their stories. They have intriguing lives, my family is less than perfect but aren’t we all a bit dysfunctional?
On Thursday, I planned on leaving the house but didn’t make it out the door. I had a shower with Little Miss,  we got dressed and then fell asleep. Maybe we needed our day of rest.
Today we had playgroup,  I am the secretary. It’s a harder job than it sounds!  Today one of my old school friends showed up,  it was so crazy to see her all grown up.  She had changed so much.  I knew she was coming ’cause I’m in charge of signing up new members and whenever I know that I am going to see someone from my past,  I always make sure that I look like I have my life together.  I don’t know why I care so much about what anyone else thinks but I always want people to view me as a parent who isn’t struggling. I don’t know why that is. Maybe I’m afraid of people seeing me when I am weak.  Does anyone else do this? Little Miss was her usual anti – social self haha, no, she just doesn’t like playing with anyone except Mummy. I put her in playgroup so that she could gain some independence but it’s been 2 years and nothings happened haha.  I took on the job of secretary this year, most likely because a part of me misses working. I love being a Mum but I also loved taking care of myself. Sometimes I feel as though I’m not contributing enough to our lives with my partner bring our sole bread winner.  But life is more than money and I have to remind myself of that.
I’m going to sign out but I hope you all had a lovely week. Please tell me all about it. I’m sorry my post was all over the place, I hope it’s not too tough to read. Goodnight and God bless 🙂

LIEBSTER AWARD

What an honour to be nominated. Thankyou  https://perfectreverieblog.wordpress.com you are so kind 🙂

I have read the rules and I hope i get this right ☺ bare with me 😄

The rules :
1) Thank the blog that nominated you and link back to them
2) nominate up to 11 other bloggers to win the award
3) answer 11 questions from the blogger who nominated you
4) tell your readers 11 random facts about yourself
5) Give your nominees 11 questions to answer on their blog when they post their nomination

I will nominate people on their blogs as my tablet has just died and linking from my phone is quite time consuming! Its 12am Aus time!

Okay 😄 11 random facts about myself:

1) i am 24 years old
2) i have 2 sisters and no brothers
3) my daughter is named after my late Grandmother
4) my fiancé is 10 years older than me
5) i am the secretary of a playgroup
6) i was a pharmacy assistant before i became a stay at home Mum
7) i grew up in a small country town
8) i am Burmese, Portuguese and Hungarian
9) i have generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety
10) i live in Western Australia
11) i never leave the house without makeup on

Now,  questions from the blogger who nominated me 🙂

1) What song do you most connect with on a personal level? This is a hard one but I’d have to say- Angels and Airwaves ‘a little’s enough’

2) Avengers or X-men? Avengers

3) Team Captain America or Team Iron Man? Team Iron Man

4) What is one dream you’ve always had? I’ve always dreamed of getting my letter for Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry 😁

5) Favorite quote you’ve heard and why? “Imagination is more important than knowledge” Albert Einstein. Imagination is endless, knowledge is limited. Plus Ifind more joy in imagination 🙂

6) If you were famous, what would you most likely be famous for? I’d probably be famous for doing something really embarrassing that has been put up on YouTube 😂

7) What is something that can make you happy on a bad day? My daughter and a shopping spree

8) One thing that motivates you to do better? My daughter. Im already better ’cause of her.

9) Who is one person you’ve always looked up to? My Mum.  3 daughters, an abusive husband and low funds. Yet i had the most wonderful childhood. Now she teaches English to children in poor countries. My inspiration.

10) What is one thing you can’t live without? Love. I thrive on love.

11) What is your favourite thing about yourself? My nose 😆

Now, 11 questions for the nominees!

1) What is your favourite season?
2) What is your greatest weakness?
3) What your favourite book?
4) What is your idea of comfort food?
5) Do you believe in soul mates?
6) What is one thing that makes you happy?
7) What is something that you wish you had but can’t afford?
8) What is your favourite number and why?
9) Do you have a favourite family member and why?
10) If you could be anywhere right now,  where would it be?
11) What is your favourite colour?

Ok. GO! ☺